Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Talking Dog

A fellow was reading The Dallas Morning News, when he came across an interesting classified ad: For Sale: Talking Dog, $10. The posting intrigued him; he kept leafing back to the ad until he convinced himself that he needed to drive out to the rural address listed and see this dog for himself.
He drove out into the country, and with some searching, found the rural route address, pulled into the farmyard, got out of the car, and approached an old farmer, sitting on the front porch swing, chewing a wad of tobacco.
"Are you the man with the talking dog?" asked the fellow.
"Yep." the farmer replied, and spit off the side of the porch.
"Can I see him?" the fellow asked.
"He's around back" answered the farmer, pointing with his thumb.
The fellow double-timed it around back of the farmhouse, and there he saw an old, yellow dog, chained to a doghouse, sleeping and snoring.
"Hey! Buddy! Are you the talking dog?" asked the fellow, shaking the dog to wake him up.
"Why, yes, I am" answered the dog, yawning and stretching. "Sorry, I was just catching a quick nap. You see, I've been up late working on my dissertation. It's on Castlereagh, Metternich, and the Congress of Vienna during the period from 1815-1822."
"Wow!" said the fellow.
"Well, I would have finished it sooner, but it's hard to type with paws." continued the dog. "Also, I've been preparing for my piano debut at Carnegie Hall. I'll be performing Debussy. Practice takes a log of my time these days, along with charity work I've been doing at the children's hospital."
"Wait right there!" said the fellow, as he quickly ran around the side of the house and found the farmer out front, still sitting on the porch swing.
"You really plan on selling that dog for ten dollars?" asked the fellow.
"Yep." answered the farmer.
"But... don't you know that dog is worth a fortune? You could probably name any price for an animal that valuable! Why are you selling him for ten dollars?" the fellow asked in amazement.
"'Cuz he's a damned liar!" answered the farmer. "He cain't do none of that shit."

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